A long time ago in a Galaxy, far, far away...or is it ???

Disclaimer: This was my Advanced Composition final and I thought it would be something you guys would enjoy. But it's hilarious. I know. I had so much fun writing this. Anyway, blah, blah - you guys know GL owns Star Wars. The only people that belong to me are Sarah, her parents, Jason (and his persona Kailin Sun - from Ana & Owen).

[Official Star Wars Intro. Music]

Earth and the Star Wars Galaxy exist but in separate galaxies. On Earth, Star Wars is a mega hit movie created by George Lucas but to our heroes it's real. Now, those two universes are about to collide....

One year has passed since the Battle of Endor. The Republic is at peace with the exception of some minor Imperial warlords. Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi in the Galaxy, is asked to investigate a strange obelisk on the planet Fondor. Leia Organa and Han Solo accompany him, along with droid C3P-0 to correctly assess origins of the obelisk, and the faithful Astro droid R2-D2.

However, upon arrival, Luke has a troubling vision. Despite this, Luke, Leia, Han, C3P-0 and R2 go down to the planet while Chewbacca remains in orbit, maintaining the Millennium Falcon. Unknown to our heroes, the obelisk is actually a portal, which sling shots Luke, Leia, Han, C3P-0 and R2-D2 to the farthest reaches of the Galaxy.

Earth, Seattle Washington 2000, a planet not yet advanced in the technology of the future, a Star Wars obsessed fan, becomes host to our legendary heroes and must help them find a way back to their universe without exposing them to the public...

[End Intro. Music]

Act 1

Scene 1

[A Corellian freighter, the Millennium Falcon maneuvers towards Fondor, a planet in the Fondor Sector at maximum speed]

Inside Interior - Falcon - Rec. Room and Cockpit

[Luke Skywalker, a Jedi Knight meditates while R2-D2 and Threepio bicker as usual. Luke is in intense meditation. He is calm but sweat starts to trickle down his forehead as he receives a disturbing vision. Light, sublights, pinks red, and blue. It looks like a wormhole but just as he is about to get to the end, the vision abruptly ends]

[R2-D2 and Threepio notice he is out of meditation, but are unsure why he is in a panic. The droids look to each other, baffled] Threepio: Sir, are you all right?

[Luke doesn't answer. He stands up and heads for the cockpit, where Han, Leia and Chewbacca are]

Scene 2: Inside Interior - Falcon - Cockpit

[Leia acknowledges her brother with a smile as he enters, sitting at Han's back. Luke glances out the view port as the Falcon approaches Fondor. Fondor isn't a dangerous planet, but still, the Jedi senses something elusive. Leia notices Luke's worry. Luke nods to her]

Luke: I don't know what it is.

Leia: What "what" is?

Luke: I had a vision, a wormhole I think it was.

[Han laughs. Leia glares at him then turns her attention to Luke]

Leia: Wormholes don't exist. Luke, scientists have been trying to prove that they do, but they don't.

[Luke shrugs] Maybe, but I know what I saw. I just....

Leia: Just what?

[He only nods as the Falcon starts her approach]

Scene 3: Earth - Seattle Washington - Home of Sarah Owen, a Star Wars obsessed fan - Her room

[A brown shelf, a display dedicated solely to Star Wars, containing a large, fat blue binder sit on the second shelf in the middle, along with some figurines - Lando Calrissian, Darth Vadar, a Gamorrean Guard, a young Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, Padme Naberrie. The shelf is organized neatly, with different memorabilia. A large poster of Episode 1 is on the wall. Above her desk is a Star Wars Trilogy - Special Edition poster and a podracing calendar on her closet door. Next to the shelf on the opposite wall, sits an 18-year-old girl with blonde hair, listening to a CD player - the CD - the Empire Strikes Back. She is so busy listening she doesn't even hear her mom call for lunch.]

Mom: Sarah! Sarah! Sarah Owen!

[She continues to listen to the CD player, oblivious to her mother's call.]

Scene 4: Downstairs - Kitchen

[Sarah's mother paces back from the stairs, dropping onto a chair across from her husband]

Sarah's mom: You know it was nice when she was obsessed with Titanic but this.... Star Wars...

Sarah's dad: It's only a phase. She'll grow out of it.... Hopefully.

[Sarah's mom only shrugs, grabbing some food]

Scene 5: Star Wars Universe - Fondor

[Luke, Leia, Han, R2 and Threepio meet a representative of the planet. The representative tells them about the strange obelisk, some researchers found while digging at a site. He leads them to the obelisk, which has been removed and placed inside a large room for research]

Representative: We really don't know what it is. And since my team found it and doesn't know its origins, they are cautious to look at it further without really knowing if it is dangerous.

Luke: We'll look at it.

[The five pass the representative, circling the obelisk. R2 does a scan on the obelisk, while, Threepio looks at the strange markings along the side, trying to see if he can interpret them. Leia nods, staring at it]

Leia: I don't know Luke. I got a bad feeling about this.

Luke: Maybe it's alien origin; of ancient alien origin.

[Han laughs] Han: No offense or anything kids, but anything we don't know about is dangerous and never good.

[Luke steps forward, running his finger along the side, reading the manuscript. Leia moves forward to tell him to be careful but Han holds her back]

Han: He'll be all right. It's not like it's going to suck us up and throw us halfway across the Galaxy or something.

Leia: Or it'd suck you up and everything will be perfect.

Han: Hey!

[Luke shushes him as he reads the manuscript. Leia and Han stare after him, hypnotized by the obelisk until the ground starts to rumble and a rift opens, sucking up the five]
 

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Episode VII - Phantom Visitors (ACT II)

Adapted by obi's girl

Act 2:

Scene 1 - Earth - Seattle Washington - Home of Sarah Owen - back yard

[Sarah takes out the trash, listening to a CD player, this time the CD is a mix of the Star Wars Trilogy. However, as she closes the top, she hears a loud noise. Sarah pulls down her headphones as a portal opens on top of her backyard, shooting out three humans and two droids]

Sarah: Oh crap!

[She rushes over to the humans, bypassing the droids. She holds up the man dressed in black. She looks him over from head to toe, past the lightsabre.... LIGHTSABRE! She is about to call for her parents but the Jedi stirs in her lap]

Sarah: Hey, careful. You took a mean hit to the head. Are you all right?

[The Jedi opens his eyes, staring back at Sarah's bewildered face. He smiles. She is so beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyes, strange attire but very beautiful]

Sarah: Are you all right?

Jedi: I think so. [He sits up, looking from one to the other for his friends. Sarah lets him be, recognizing the stranger. Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight. Her eyes ran to his left to a woman with braided hair and body suit, whom she recognized to be Princess Leia Organa and lying flat on her mother's flower bed was Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon]

Sarah: Ooooh. Mom's not going to be too happy about that. She just planted those last month.

[Luke helps up Leia and Han, then helps Threepio and R2-R2, who had been thrown headfirst into a trash can, while Threepio lands in a pool]

[Sarah puts away her disc man and confronts Luke, Leia and Han. She extends her hand to them, smiling] Hi, I'm Sarah Owen. You crash landed in my backyard.

[Leia laughs] Don't worry. It's not new to us. Han's crashes so many times we don't even keep records.

[Luke stares at Sarah. She notices the stare and her eyes meet his]

Luke: I'm sorry about your mother's flowerbed.

Sarah: I'll tell her one of the neighbor's pets got into it or something. I'm Sarah...

Luke: I know. I heard.

[Sarah blushes, gesturing towards the house] My parents are out. They went shopping. [She glances at the droids; both of them seem weary along with the humans] You're welcome to stay with me.

[Luke and Leia exchange glances for a moment. Luke nods okay, then smiles at Sarah] That would be acceptable, Sarah.

[She smiles at them then shows them inside the house]

Scene 2 - Inside Sarah's House - Kitchen

[As Sarah enters the house with Luke, Leia, Han and the droids at her back, she can't help but smile. They are real. They really are real. She always imagined what it would be like to meet them in person, but that was only a fantasy and yet, there they are]

[Sarah turns to them smiling] Um, are you guys hungry or something? I have food.

[Luke nods as Sarah inches her way towards the refrigerator. She glances back at him and the other before opening the door, examining its contents. ]

Sarah: Take-out, no. Dad's dinner, way no! [She scrounges through some more before grabbing some pizza and coke] Sarah: Um, I hope this is okay. It's the only real food we have.

[Han shrugs as Luke only smiles back at Sarah]

Sarah: Is Pizza and Coke okay?

Luke: Pizza and Coke are fine.

[Sarah sets out the Coke and slices the pizza then warms up a few slices in the microwave] So, how did you guys get here?

[Leia shrugs] We were investigating a strange obelisk.

Sarah: Did you read the hieroglyphs?

[They all nod yes]

Sarah: You shouldn't have done that. One of the key things about finding anything strange out of the ordinary is that you never read anything on it. It could have mystical or dangerous consequences. Obelisks especially can be tricky if you don't know their background and are unfamiliar with the language.

Threepio: Sirs, R2 and I did a scan of the obelisk before and R2 concluded the obelisk is of unknown alien origin and is in fact a space portal in a solid form.

Han: Just get to the point Threepio.

Threepio: Miss Owen's assumption of the obelisk is indeed correct. If anyone attempts to read the text, whether it be out loud or silently, it opens the portal, thus sucking up anyone around it to some lost or unknown part of the Galaxy.

[Luke turns to Sarah] What planet is this called?

Sarah: Earth. It's orbits a sun, along with eight other planets. [She pauses, realizing something] Of course, to you, my part of the Galaxy would be alien to you.

Luke: Then I conclude we have to find a way to return to our universe from this Earth. This will be strange but I think we can work past that and learn from each other. That's how different cultures learn to communicate and understand each other.

Sarah: Very philosophical. Of course, you're a Jedi. You're probably like that all the time.

Luke: No, not always...just on occasion.

[Sarah falls silent for a moment, staring at Luke. But the silence is broken when someone knocks on the door. Luke swings around, activating his light sabre. Sarah sees the weapon and nods it's all right. He disengages the weapon as she goes to the door and looks through the peephole. It's her parents. She turns back to Luke, Han and Leia and the droids, but they've already hidden. She shrugs, opening the door smiling]

Sarah's mom: Sarah, sweety, can you help us with the grocery? We're going to make another trip. I just saw my flower bed. [She pauses]. I guess the neighbor's cat got in it again.

[Sarah laughs] Oh yeah! I shoed him away before he could have done any more damage, but if you guys need to go out again to take care of it, go ahead. I'll take care of the groceries. Don't worry.

[Mrs. Owen smiles, heading out the door but Mr. Owen stops her] Wait a minute, you never volunteer to do anything around here. Something's going on? Is there a convention you want to go to this weekend?

[Sarah smiles] Dad, I swear you're getting to be a genius. Yeah, there is a convention this weekend I would like to attend. Big convention. I think even GL is going to be there.

[Mr. Owen looks confused for a moment until he realizes who GL is] George Lucas! Of course, you can go. Just stay out of trouble, sweety. [He follows his wife, shutting the door as Sarah rushes up the stairs, scanning the living room for her visitors]

Sarah: Luke, Leia, Han? Are you guys all right?

Han: We're fine kid.

[She turns around, facing Han who emerges from the bathroom while R2 and Threepio exit the closet. Luke and Leia get up from the stairs, meeting Sarah]

Luke: What happened to your parents?

Sarah: They're going out again. My mom saw what Han did to the flower bed. [She pauses hesitantly before continuing] Um, there's this convention this weekend....

Luke: Convention?

Sarah: Yeah, there are some experts there on wormholes. They may know how to get you back to your universe.

Scene 3: House of Jason Ryan - Jason's room - another SW fan, a close friend of Sarah's

[Jason's room, much like Sarah's is covered with Star Wars memorabilia, except he obsesses over the model who portrays Mara Jade - Shannon Baksa. Posters clutter his room and even a Mara Jade screen saver is on his computer desktop. His phone rings and he puts it on speaker phone, clearing his voice]

Jason: Jedi Knight Kailin Sun, speaking. What is thy bidding my Master?

Sarah: Jason, it's Sarah. Look, I have a problem and I need your help.

Jason: Oh hi, Sarah. So what's up? Do you know about the convention this weekend?

[Sarah completely ignores his question] I was wandering about time portals, rifts, are they possible?

[Jason shrugs] Depending. What exactly are you talking about?

Sarah: I have some visitors here and they're not from this Galaxy. They're from the Star Wars Galaxy.

Jason: Sithspawn, are you serious Sarah? Who is it? Mara Jade?

Sarah: No. Besides, it's not one person. Look, can you just meet me at the convention center? I'll bring them along and we can figure things out there.

[Jason shrugs again] All right, and Sarah, May the Force be with you.

Sarah: Whatever, Jace.

[Jason frowns] Come on, Sarah! You know I don't hang up until you say it.

Sarah: Okay, May the Force be with you Jedi Knight Kailin Sun. [She hangs up]
 

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Episode VII - Phantom Visitors (ACT III)

By obi's girl

Scene 1: Convention Hall

[As Sarah enters, Luke notices a large banner hung across the entrance titled Sci-Fi Expo 2000: Into the Future...this year featuring Shannon Baksa, Star War's Mara Jade! Sarah looks up at the sign and smiles]

Luke: Who's Shannon Baksa?

Sarah: She's a model. She posed for Decipher Comics to bring the character of Mara Jade to life for a card game they were doing. [She glances at Luke and smiles] You'd like her. She's cool.

Luke: I still don't understand. What does 'cool' mean again?

Sarah: 'Cool" means hot; it's an expression. Like this Expo is 'cool'.

Luke: So if I say some one is cool, I'm actually saying some one is hot?

Sarah: Yeah.

[Luke shrugs as Sarah scans the crowd for someone. She glances back at Han, Leia and the droids, but they're gone! ]

Sarah: Where did they go?

Luke: Don't worry. I'm sure they're fine.

[Sarah is still worried but Luke tugs her along as they walk through the large crowd]

Scene 2: Autograph Signing Table

[Shannon Baksa sighs as she waits for her two companions. It's Shannon's first convention and it feels overwhelming. Before, she had no idea how popular Mara Jade's character was. She leans back, counting the heads in line and rolls her eyes]

Shannon: Come on, Mark, Harrison, where are you guys? I can't do this alone.

Fan in line: Hey, there's Harrison Ford and Carrie Fischer!

[The crowd turns around as Marina Sirtus, Jonathan Frakes, and Brent Spiner enter, completely ignoring the Star Trek actors. Marina growls, furious they are overlooked.]

Marina: I just can't believe it. Don't people have standards? Star Trek was here way before Star Wars came along. [She pauses, glaring at Han and Leia] What does Star Wars have that Star Trek doesn't have?

Jonathan: "The Force" and really cool weapons...and a better music score.

[Marina throws up her hands and stomps off] That's it! I'm calling my agent. I hate Star Wars.

[Brent shrugs, looking at Jonathan] I actually kind of like Star Wars. Threepio's really cool.

[Jonathan glares him and shakes his head] Oh shut up, Brent! [And walks off after Marina]

[Meanwhile, Han looks at Leia, bewildered by the excitement. She scans the crowd and spots Mara Jade at the table, trying to look over the crowd]

Leia: Mara Jade! Mara?!

[Han tiptoes, seeing the red-head and waves. Shannon rolls her eyes, stands up and talks to one of the security guards. He immediately rushes off as she simply stands there, tapping her foot]

Leia: It's no use, Han! Mara's not going to help us.

[Han pulls out his blaster and shoots up, startling the crowd. Leia covers her ears]

Han: That's right, break it up! We don't want any trouble.

[Leia opens her eyes glaring at Shannon] I always knew she was nothing but Imperial...

[But before she can complete that thought, Han pulls her away]

Scene 3: Sound Stage

[Jason sits waiting patiently for Sarah as men start to put out chairs for the 12:00 p.m. appearance of Shannon Baksa and a Special Guest. He glances at the door and sees Sarah, waving furiously at him. Jason stands up from the stage, smiling back. Sarah stops waving, pulling Luke into view and Jason stares at him in shock nodding his head in disbelief]

Jason: Sarah, do you know...He's...Jedi Knight... [In complete shock that the characters are actually real]

Sarah: Yes, I know. Jason Ryan this is Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight.

[Jason stares back at him, rolls his eyes and collapses onto the ground, still in shock. Sarah and Luke shrug at each other before Sarah kneels down, helping Jason to a chair. She glances back at Luke]

Sarah: Come on! Wake up. I need your help. [She pauses a moment and smiles] Jedi Knight Kailin Sun, I desperately need your help.

[Jason snaps awake, glancing one more time at Luke then back at Sarah] How did he get here?

Sarah: A portal in my backyard and he's not the only one.

[Jason's eyes widen at her comment] How many more? Who else came through? I hope you're not talking Imperials!

[She nods no] Han Solo, Leia, R2 and Threepio. Look, we need to find a way to get them back to their own universe before they're exposed.

[He looks at Luke one more time and nods in agreement] You said they came through a portal?

Sarah: They were investigating an obelisk..on..[She turns to Luke] Where was it? What planet was it on?

Luke: Fondor.

[Jason shrugs] There needs to be an area of highly concentrated energy in order for a portal to open. [Pauses and smiles] Any Sci-Fi fan would know that. It's common sense. Of course, there's always the possibly of Realspace.

Sarah: Realspace. What's that?

Jason: Realspace is a coterminous with Hyperspace: every point in Realspace has an entry or exit point to Hyperspace...that is if we can find one. [He glances at Luke] Where's Han, Leia, and the droids now?

Sarah: We were separated. They wandered off somewhere.

Jason: We need to look for them before they get into any trouble.

Scene 4:

[C3P-0 and R2-D2 walk through the crowd, looking for Leia, Han, Luke and Sarah. R2 whistles something causing Threepio to halt. He turns to the little droid]

Threepio: Of course, they're all right! They're very capable. Very human you know.

[R2 whistles something else]

Threepio: Oh switch off! If you're not you're not going have a positive attitude about it, then shut down!

[R2 moans then abruptly whistles loudly, noticing some familiar faces in the crowd. Threepio tiptoes and waves his golden arms]

Threepio: Oh thank the Maker! Master Skywalker, Mistress Owen!

[Sarah, Luke and a boy Sarah's age near the droids. Sarah nods to Threepio, then glances at Luke]

Luke: Are you two all right?

[R2 whistles something, which Threepio interprets] Yes R2, I understand.

Sarah: What did he say?

Threepio: He has informed me a room bearing 230 ° southeast, second floor, has a highly concentrated energy reading and will be a likely site of the returning portal.

[Sarah and Jason think a minute before coming up with the same answer]

Sarah: The sound stage!

Jason: The sound stage!

[They both smile. Sarah turns to Luke and Threepio] Come on!

{Threepio frantically waves his arms again] Um, what about Master Han and Mistress Leia, Master Luke?

[Luke shrugs] The longer we wait, the harder it will be open up the portal again.

[Sarah frowns. Sudennly she notices Shannon Baksa at a signing desk, getting ready to leave for the Sound Stage and waves to her, smiling] Mrs. Baksa, we need your help!

Scene 5

[The MC - Masters of Ceremonies, a tall man with black hair, enters the stage, waving to the crowd. The crowd erupts in applause but dies down after the man reaches the microphone] Welcome to Sci-Fi Expo 2000: Into the Future!

[Once again, the fans break into applause; some yelling. The MC waves his hand, calming the crowd] Now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Bestseller Timothy Zahn brought her to life in Heir to the Empire as the Emperor's Hand and now, after months of waiting, her character has been brought to life by Decipher Inc. --- Shannon Baksa aka Mara Jade!

[Shannon Baksa runs onto the stage, waving to the crowd. She's wearing a purple body suit, cape and prop lightsabre. She grabs the Mic and smiles] How are you all doing today?

[The crowd shouts. One fan yells, "I love you Shannon!" Shannon laughs then peers back at the curtains. Sarah nods to her, signaling she is ready to proceed with the plan]

Shannon: All right now. MC, if you don't mind, I'd like to introduce the Special Guest.

[The MC nods all right as Shannon gestures Luke, Threepio and R2 to come on stage. Luke runs on stage, followed by Threepio and R2. Sarah bites her lip back stage, glancing at Jason]

Sarah: That's three down...but where's?

[Jason sudennly smiles, noticing Han and Leia walk down the aisle in a hurry, joining Luke on stage. Leia stands beside Luke, smiling at the crowd]

Leia: What's going on?

Luke: Ssssh. Just smile. Sarah and Jason have taken care of everything.

[Luke glances back at Sarah, then gazes back at Shannon. She nods all right, but before she can continue the introduction, a thundering humming sound surprises the gang. The sound is high pitch - almost like a ship! Ship! They all turn as the Millennium Falcon bursts into the auditorium. Shannon stands aghast. She sees the ship but doesn't believe it. The Millennium Falcon. She drops the MIC onto the stage, staring blankly]

[Shannon points to the ship] That's the Falcon! Oh my God...the Falcon's real. That means... [She turns to Luke and the others and faints, overwhelmed by the shock]

[Luke and Leia shrug as Sarah and Jason rush onto the stage. Sarah grabs the MIC, smiling as Jason sees to Shannon. Meanwhile, Han, Leia and the droids rush up the ramp, except Luke. He stares back at Sarah and smiles goodbye before turning to board the ramp. The ramp closes, preparing to lift off. The Falcon drifts off the stage, makes a 180° turn and slingshots through the portal, disappearing from Sarah's' eyes]

[The crowd talks amongst themselves before breaking into applause. One guy even yells, "I love Star Wars! George Lucas rules! Yeah!" Obviously, they thought the Falcon's appearance was part of the show. Sarah smiles, glancing back at Jason and Shannon. Shannon who is conscious, stands up and scanning the crowd, looking once at Jason then bows]

[Marina Sirtus nods no, watching the scene and snarls] I REALLY HATE STAR WARS! [She continues to glare at them before abruptly turning on her heel, leaving the auditorium]

[The crowd cheers, excited by the performance as George Lucas and Rick McCallum - the real Special Guests enter]

[Mr. Lucas looks at his watch and shrugs] They knew we were coming, right?

[Mr. McCallum growls] Probably Star Trek. Ever since SW came out, the creators have been trying to out do us. [Pauses dramatically and silently growls] I hate Star Trek!

Mr. Lucas: Oh well. Do you want to go out for lunch?

McCallum: Sure.

[And they leave unnoticed]

Scene 6 - Epilogue - Sound Stage

[After the crowd cleared out, Sarah and Jason sit quietly on the edge of the stage, reflecting on what just happened]

Sarah: You know, now that I know they're real - going back to watching the movies and reading the books won't be as fun as it used to be. The mystery is gone.

[Jason agrees with her] So what next?

[Sarah shrugs, then smiles turning to him] Have you ever heard of Farscape?

[Jason raises an eyebrow at her] Farscape, huh? [He pauses a minute, recalling the name and smiles] Hey, isn't it that show on the Sci-Fi Channel?

Sarah: Yeah!

Jason: I love that show! D`Argo is the coolest and Aeryn Sun is just really hot.

[Sarah laughs] Personally, I like Ben Browder's character. After all, the show is named for his module - Farscape 1. He's cute.

[They continue talking about Farscape, finding another thing to obsess about]

[Credits]

Special Thanks to:

Rebecca Blair

Matthew Kelberg